Anger is different from HOSTILITY because it can have adaptive and positive effects. Hostility, on the other hand, is impulsive and uncontrolled and often leads to aggression. So, how do we understand if our anger has an adaptive or positive effect?

These two questions can help:

  1. Is my anger directed toward someone who has hurt me knowingly or with intent or without reason?
  2. Does my anger serve any useful purpose? Will it help me move forward or will it set me back?

In addition to this reflection, explore if there is a repetitive pattern to your anger, or things that regularly trigger you off? These are signs that signal the need for some change in your thinking and behavior at a deeper level.

At a thinking level one ‘anger black hole’ – these suck us into anger cycles – is exaggerating the importance of a negative event, or even a comment. Often, we churn this internally till we worry ourselves into a migraine; explode at an unrelated person or situation; or even activate the internal voices that remind us that we are losers, not capable and so on. Are you getting caught in this?   Perhaps, the first step is to talk to someone you trust about this.

(We’d be happy to work with you as your coach /coaching supervisor – for a couple of pro bono sessions – to help you break out of this cycle! Connect with us on

Check out details of our ICF accredited 125 hour ACTP Executive Coach training program being held in October and December in Bangalore, on this website’s ACTP/ACSTH page. Why not use this as an opportunity to visit India / Bangalore?

Reference: Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy – Dr. David D. Burns, HarperCollins e-books

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