Often times if you – or your client – is not moving ahead with the goals that they’ve set for themselves, or not living a life that aligns with their values, or just plain stuck – then you/they are probably facing one of four blocks summarised by the acronym FEAR.
Fusion with unhelpful thoughts – this happens as soon as one decides to do something. The negative voices in one’s head start broadcasting: It’s to hard, It’s a waste of time, You’ll never be able to complete it, You’ve tried so many times before, what’s the point?… The moment we believe these thought to be true, we’ve fused with them and made it our reality; forgetting the fact that they’re just thoughts.
Expectations that are too high – in our enthusiasm to make a start, we set expectations that are too high (I’ll loose all this weight in 3 weeks/months), or attempt to make too many changes all in one day (I’ll stop non-veg, smoking, drinking, start running, and join the gym – all of this by tomorrow!) Most times this overwhelms us in the first couple of days, and we snap back to original. The secret: baby steps – small, easy, baby steps!
Avoidance of uncomfortable feelings – Making changes usually involves discomfort, especially if you try to re-draw boundaries in relationships, re-set expectations that others have of you, start to think about your interests first… We try to avoid or run away from these difficult feelings, forgetting that unpleasant feelings and pain are part of life and growth. Learn to accept them, make them part of your journey and move ahead with the pain and discomfort as fellow travellers.
Remoteness from your values – the last block is often the most ignored one. If what one does in terms of tasks or managing relationships doesn’t align with the type of person one wants to be in the long term, then it’s time to look closely at how one’s values line up with what one is doing in the present.
As coaches we can see these blocks in our clients, and we encourage them to overcome them. But who helps us overcome our own FEARs?
(We’d be happy to work with you as your coach /coaching supervisor – for a couple of pro bono sessions – to help you start overcoming your FEARs? Connect with us on firstname.lastname@example.org)
Check out details of our ICF accredited 125 hour ACTP Executive Coach training program being held in October and December in Bangalore, on this website’s ACTP/ACSTH page. Why not use this as an opportunity to visit India / Bangalore?
Reference: The Happiness Trap: Stop Struggling, Start Living by Dr Russ Harris