Most of us get the feeling: ‘I’m not good enough – smart enough – handsome/beautiful enough, not qualified enough…’ at various points in our life. For some of us, there seems to be a ‘I’m not good enough’ program that runs continuously in the background. This program leads us to believe that we are flawed and therefore not worthy of love and belonging. It creates a pain that is intense and very real. When we feel ‘not good enough’ we feel disconnected and desperate for worthiness – to feel good enough!

This deep rooted feeling of ‘I’m not good enough…’ (also known as shame) is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders and bullying. It shows up in subtle ways at the workplace when one is unable to speak up, disagree, contribute – especially when there are others who are ‘much better!’

Applying the same principles to fitness – especially loosing weight – the ‘I’m not good enough’ program is the same as “I’m FAT – I’m Heavy – I just can’t seem to lose it – I’ve tried everything!” The response to this program leads to crash diets, fad diets, short term intense exercise programs and so on; all these are a response to a deep cry within: Fix Me! I’m not good enough!

Fix me! strategies usually don’t give sustainable results because they are on the same frequency as ‘I’m not good enough’. (Ever been on a great diet for a whole week, and then blown it by binging on the weekend?!)

Working at a deeper level to change these programs involves writing new code or a program – a program that will give you the emotional resilience to explore these feelings, be aware and accept them, practice self-compassion, re-frame the old program, and start running the new one. All the while making appropriate changes in real time!

Why feel ‘not good enough’? Work with us in personal coaching or coaching supervision to help you start your journey towards developing emotional resilience. Contact for details: ajayglobalcoach@gmail.com

(Reference: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead by Brene Brown)